Good Deed Fail

I couldn’t even make this up if I tried…

It was like any other day when as I was walking past (and resisting) a McDonald’s, I overheard a middle-aged man on crutches ask a stranger for some food. My conscience instantly rang alarms, and I knew that I couldn’t just carry on walking to leave that poor man hungry. I stopped in my tracks and felt around my pockets to find some loose change that I could offer, but I had nothing except my debit card. Since I couldn’t give any cash, I decided to turn back and offered to pay for a meal instead.

He thanked me greatly and asked if we could eat at the café three shops down from McDonald’s. Of course I agreed and we headed over there. I noticed a few people looking oddly at us but I guess they were confused as to how we were acquainted with each other. We got talking and I found out his name was Prince and was 45 years old.

We walked into the café and Prince made his order of an omelette breakfast and a cup of coffee which came to £5.45. I asked the lady behind the till for the card machine but to my disappointment she told me they didn’t have one and suggested that I use an ATM nearby. Luckily there were plenty of bank branches on the high street, with one right next door to the café. Prince had already sat down at this point and I explained to him that I will be right back to pay for the meal once I had withdrawn some cash out.

I was walking to Halifax and that’s when it hit me. I only just remembered that my card doesn’t work at cash machines. For the last five months, all ATMs (regardless of the branch) have failed to recognise my card where I can’t even check my account balance let alone withdraw money out. Strangely however, I’ve been able to pay for things using card readers so I hadn’t really thought to replace my card- up until that moment. Anyway, I’m standing at the ATM and I am praying that today be an exception. I hoped that God would recognise my act of kindness and will miraculously make my card work. But that day wasn’t to be the day for miracles. I’m panicking at this point and so I convince myself that if I use the indoor ATM my card just might work. Again, I insert my card into the slot and I see the familiar message that my card ‘cannot be recognised. Please try again.’

I am seriously stressing out right now. How can I go back to the café empty handed? How on earth can I look into a hungry man’s eyes and tell him that I can’t actually pay for the food that I promised? I hadn’t felt this embarrassed in so long. I tried to do a good deed and I couldn’t even do that properly?!

I realised that I was taking forever and that I should get back to the café to face the music. I was left with no choice but to ask Prince if we could go to another place where I can pay using my card. I wasn’t sure what would come out of this, but when I got to the café I asked the lady who served me once again if they had a card reader and she looked at me blankly and said they didn’t. Obviously. I explained my situation to her and asked to cancel the order. I then went to break the news to Prince.

I asked him if we could go to McDonald’s so I can pay by card and to my surprise he told me he didn’t like McDonald’s. Right, so that made me feel a whole lot worse. I then made other suggestions and he slowly got up as he tried to hold himself up with his crutches. I felt unbelievably awful and I continued to apologise as we walked to the door. Let me remind you that there were plenty of customers witnessing my fail at life too. On our way out I thanked the café owner, when out of nowhere a really kind man handed me a £10 note. I was so taken aback by his generosity I asked him if he was sure to offer this money. I thanked him over and over again and he just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

Prince and I sat back down as we waited for his food. In that time I got to know a bit about him and found out that he had no family around as his siblings never visited, and his mother lives in Ghana. He had also been suffering from polio since he was a child so found it really difficult to find work. He was dressed poorly and it was obvious that he could not really look after himself. I discovered that he was living in a care home nearby, which comforted me to know that he had somewhere safe to stay rather than on the streets. He also told me that he came to the area every now and then to drink and smoke with his friend which disappointed me a little because it made me doubt why he was asking for money on the streets. But I shouldn’t be quick to judge because regardless of what his intentions were, he was still in a less fortunate position than me. We spoke about our favourite subjects and what we like to watch on TV. He even offered me some of his food which was sweet.

He soon finished his meal and we parted ways after that. I wished him the best and he thanked me again. Prince kept the remaining money of what was left after breakfast and I wasn’t sure what he was going to spend his money on, but I guess I won’t ever know. All I can take from this is that I am so grateful for what I have. I know I complain about how I don’t have a job and that I don’t know where I am headed in life, but at the end of the day I still have a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head. I get to see my family everyday where there are people just like Prince who don’t even have that.

Again, I can’t assume that every homeless person will spend money on drugs and alcohol, but that’s where I think society is going wrong. We believe that we shouldn’t trust what people on the streets say, but I think we should try and change that. Let’s look into our hearts a bit more and see how we might be able to make someone’s day with small gestures.

I do believe that acts of kindness have a domino effect, and I would like to think that the kind stranger who gave me the £10 saw what I had tried to do.

If we all did our little bit imagine the impact it could have? So I hope the next time you see someone who might be hungry or cold, offer them 10 minutes of your day and give them something to smile about. I know that from now on I will be carrying more change and a working debit card!

Sai

Featured image creds: @dtopkin1

Eating My Feelings and Then Some

Today has been an up-down sort of day. Firstly, I woke up from a really crappy dream after only four and a half hours sleep to the sound of a deafening drilling coming from outside – the kitchen is currently undergoing an extension but that’s a whole other story. So I think it’s fair to say that I wasn’t having the best of mornings.

Nevertheless, I didn’t want to let this ruin the rest of my day so I compiled a short list of things to complete over the next few hours. Job hunting was among the list as it pretty much is an ongoing task! Fast forward an hour later, I was already feeling accomplished after booking a hair appointment (priorities) and had found a few job positions that I was looking forward to start applying to.

The next thing I felt was a huge wave of despair gushing in from nowhere and I suddenly lost the will to do anything. I just broke down feeling completely hopeless and lost about where I am headed in my life. Job hunting has evidently taken its toll on me. My fears over not finding a job rapidly brought all of my other worries to light. The same questions were going repeatedly over and over in my head: ‘Should I have taken this year out to travel?’, ‘Is it still too late to travel?’, ‘How long will I be unemployed?’, ‘Will I ever stop worrying about my finances?’ and so on.

I started to tell myself that I am a failure compared to all of my friends who have jobs – which is beyond stupid I know. In these moments of weakness I forget that I really am not the only one going through this.

My panicking soon turned towards food and I junked out for the whole afternoon in front of the telly to feel better. It didn’t really work as I then began to worry about how much bad food I was putting inside of me and how much time I was wasting by not taking any steps for my career. Regardless, that did not stop me from eating some leftover cake from my sister’s 21st birthday over an episode of The Good Wife…

Before this sounds like a tragedy, I did eventually cheer up! I sought after another Netflix pick-me-up and watched a show called Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt which surprisingly turned out to be funnier than I initially thought! When I’m grumpy, I’m the ‘don’t even think about talking to me’ grumpy so I surprised myself to hear me laughing out loud watching the show. I’ve certainly found my next TV series to binge watch!

You must be thinking I’m playing an old record with my unemployment rant, but it really is a genuine worry of mine. Since getting a job is my main priority at the moment, it is all I’m thinking about which obviously isn’t healthy. Or at least the way I’m stressing about it isn’t. I need to find some sort of meaning to my life so I worry that I won’t unless I find a job (even I know that’s not true), but I feel like I just need to get going sooner rather than later.

My friends and family remind me that everything happens for a reason, and that there will be a job out there that will be worth the long wait for. I hope they’re right. Thankfully I have my loved ones to support me as I don’t know what I would be doing without them really!

So like I said, it’s been a rollercoaster day of emotions today and I feel pretty exhausted from it to be honest! I do hope this has helped anyone who might be going through what I am just as much as it helped me get it off my chest.

Sai

Featured image creds: @breakfast_on_jupiter

A Snippet of Sai

I’m a twenty two year old graduate eagerly waiting to start the next chapter in my life. I’m pretty terrified at the thought of not knowing where I’m headed at the moment but I guess that’s equally exciting to go on this unknown adventure. I thought I would ‘find myself’ at uni, but alas I still haven’t done so yet. I think trying to find out who you are is pretty much an ongoing thing, but I relish at the idea that I’m learning little things about myself each day!

To start off, I love food. Like a lot. The ultimate snack of all snacks has to be good old crisps. Chocolate is a must with a good cuppa in the evenings too- obviously! I generally love to have a laugh and spending time with friends and family. I like to play on the Xbox from time to time – but admittedly I only really play one game that is Trials Fusion! I’m a huge fan of the TV show Grey’s Anatomy as it not only gives me any excuse to have a proper cry, but Meredith Grey is my inspiration!

My thoughts are pretty much all over the place as I’m always thinking about so many things at once. So I decided to keep track of all that’s going on in my head to share with the world (or the odd person who may stumble on my page).

All views are my own and in a complete random fashion. This is not a blog specifically about politics, fashion, or beauty (I have absolutely no clue where to begin with foundation) but I guarantee you will find an array of things here. So sit back and either laugh, scoff, hate or enjoy whatever I have to say!

Sai